The Last Ballad Of The Tory Boys

The Tory Party is going down in flames and some of the most irritating people online are going down with it.

I feel as if I’m in danger of breaking the moral code I set-down in a recent post on the subject of gloating about the deaths of your enemies. As I write the Conservative Party is in a state of complete collapse and nobody even knows who is running the country anymore. We will, in all probability, have an election and Labour will win, and by the standards of today’s Conservative Party that will be akin to a lurch to the far right.

There’s a meme which amuses me online which features a selection of social media influencers and a caption which says something along the lines of ‘‘Your point of view when you’re about to hear the worst take of your f**king life!’’. The worst f**king takes I’ve ever heard in my life come from those poor deluded souls who’ve managed to convince themselves that actually supporting the Tory Party is a worthwhile pursuit —The Tory Boys.

The Tory Boys are a gaggle of small Twitter accounts and the odd dust-covered YouTube channel who exemplify everything that’s intellectually bankrupt, moronic and deluded with the centre-right in Britain. It isn’t so much the individuals online, but that they do represent something present in the wider British public which keeps genuine right-wing ideas locked out of the discourse.

The Tory Boys are avatars of the tabloid, Piers Morgan style slop which passes for the British mainstream right. They’re aware of this to a degree but cope with it through irony and sarcasm.

The last few years haven’t exactly been kind to The Tory Boys or their party, not because world events such as the pandemic and the Ukraine war were a series of crises, but because their party simply took orders from elsewhere, whether that be the World Health Organization or America’s State Department. The Conservative Party and its support base were not much more than a condom being used to cover the hard reality of globalized power in the 2020’s, and now that the power has had it’s fun it’s time to peel off the soggy blob and flush it away.

The Tory Boys wouldn’t see it that way, naturally. The consensus making apparatus in the nudge departments and media have long since learned that the Tory base will pretty much go along with anything as long it’s splattered with a few postmodern patriotic signifiers.

Thus, the Covid-19 scam was dressed up in ‘‘stiff upper lip’’ platitudes and faux-Blitz spirit. The war against Putler became another yawn inducing patriotic shit-test in which we all had to muck-in to stand up for Western values, or something. The narratives are always weak and incoherent because, unlike the real client groups of the power-structure such as Muslims, BLM, the LGBT+ crew or the Climate activists, the centre-right never gets anything at all and is mainly viewed with hatred and contempt by the political class itself.

Liz Truss pretending to be Margaret Thatcher or Boris Johnson doing a Winston Churchill impression is served up to the Tory Boys like prison gruel and they slurp it up like grateful swine. Photos of the Queen and Jeremy Clarkson memes act like salt and pepper to make the slop more palatable.

The flimsy fig-leaf Tory Party supporters use to cover the last vestiges of their integrity is the idea that ‘‘It could be worse under Labour’’ alas, even this old canard doesn’t work anymore. In 2021 the Tory Party allowed twice as many immigrants into Britain as Labour did in the Blair years. And they did so on a pledge to reduce immigration to the 10,000’s (!)

But Tory Boys do not see patterns or trends. What amounts to long-standing, decades long active policy by the Party they support is shrugged-off as a cock-up or mistake. Think about that for a second, the Tory Party allowed a million immigrants into Britain in 2021, the equivalent of a reverse D-Day Landing every few months, and we’re expected to believe it’s an oversight and not outright betrayal and malevolent intent.

This can happen in Britain under Conservative Party rule and the base will write it off as a bit of harmless woke pandering.

Or perhaps Labour would go full retard and proudly announce a cabinet without a single white man in it, too late, the Tories beat them to it.

Ah well, never-mind about that, here’s a photo of Liz Truss in a tank — we’re getting ready to stick it to Mad Vlad Putler, and while we do so we can giggle about how we’re playing up to a simulacra of British patriotism we’ve seen on the telly. Our grandparents hid from the Luftwaffe in the London Underground, we can sit in the cold for the American State Department and convince ourselves it’s the same thing.

The centre-right in Britain is so thoroughly brain-dead that all deep-state spooks have to do is dangle images of Spitfires and Bulldog Nationalist iconography as a shiny lure and they will always, always take the bait. This is the problem with allowing yourself to be used as a condom, when Labour destroy the Tories and come to power the foreign policy will remain exactly the same but the sales-pitch will shed the worn out prophylactic of simulated Bulldog patriotism and reveal itself as a purely technocratic creature fighting for Globalization.

Neocon wars do not stop being Neocon wars because Tory Boys wrapped themselves in a postmodern comfort blanket of fake patriotic cope. I am glad and relieved that the Long-Con is finally coming to an end.

“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

― Sun Tzu, The Art of War